Love you for you.
Childhood adversity is common, yet it leaves an indelible mark on one’s being. The men were affected as often as the women. Many people describe the negative impact of childhood trauma & abuse as:
- being easily emotionally triggered
- fear of speaking and identifying their truth
- poor boundaries with others
- overeating and over-drinking
- lack of self-confidence
- lack of conflict negotiation skills
Such a significant impact begs the question of how these adults overcame their disruptive childhoods to achieve success and happiness. Most of them remembered a pivotal moment when they identified the strengths gained from their childhood survival skills and committed to changing their futures. Many of them sought out a therapist to listen to their hardships and provide insights and education to further the healing process.
Therapy Can Help
Childhood misfortunes make everything more difficult — self-confidence, conflict resolution, being in love, and being successful. A therapist can help people identify, fully describe, and respect their journey, and also appreciate their own “hard won” survival skills.
The high achievers I studied described their adaptive survival skills as:
- sensitivity and empathy for others
- patience and support
- intuitiveness about group politics
- becoming a student of communication and conflict negotiation skills
- leading a values-driven life
Growing up without good role models for personal and professional success necessitated becoming serious students of life skills, transforming their childhood survival skills into adult strengths. This helped them excel in areas where others were only average.
You can feel much better today as an adult than you did as a child and adolescent. You are not helpless to change your moods, behaviors, and circumstances. It does, however, require a commitment to personal growth and often is enhanced with the right therapist.
- Increase authenticity in relationships.
- Improve communication skills.
- Learn how to set boundaries that improve intimacy.
- Build confidence and lessen insecurities.
- Redeem sexuality.
- Live a life consistent with values, faith, and spirituality.
- Decrease anxiety and have a balanced sense of self.
- Break free of depression.
- Find your voice.
Debbie’s goals are to help those suffering from trauma and abuse redeem and create spontaneous self-love and inner confidence by confronting the spiritual and psychological violence of trauma with grace and reconciliation. Debbie Tantrum is associated with The Allender Center for Abuse and Trauma.